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August
23
1999 |
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Your Host |
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 Hiatal Apologies
I realize that there was no Cookie Duster last week. I know that
the teeming multitudes out there had started to devour each other when they were not able
to read my unpaid screed last week. Well, let me be the first to say "It wasn't
my fault." The massive computational databanks that power the Mustache Summer
website had a slight emergency last week. The neo-freon subcoolant tubes that keep
MS99's processors from going all meltdown started congesting due to the unusual weather in
the San Francisco Bay Area. This congestion caused a loss of integrity in the
biostorage units that contain the Cookie Dusters, and last week's column ended up in a
glowing puddle on the Clean Room floor. We have taken measures to ensure that this
never happens again, and that certain Coolant Techs are no longer allowed to reproduce.
So off we go...
High Fashion Stachin'
Many of you may have heard about the
massive Mustache appearance in the land of Couture . AOL Scott
sent me the text of the article that appeared in the Dallas Morning News on August
11. Striking a blow for the Mustachioed Forces of Good. Anyone with a title or
author for this piece is urged to mail me at XianRex@mustachesummer.com.
The burning question at the recent menswear shows was not
about the
masculine merits of clam diggers or the demise of the backpack in favor of an
over-the-shoulder bag with a strap as wide as Miss Universe sash.
The query on everyone's lips was, "Who's the guy with the mustache?"
The man causing the flurry of interest in an otherwise uneventful three
days was Eugene Hutz, a model who also is a member of a Ukranian punk-rock band. Mr. Hutz,
25, appeared in only two designers fashion shows, but he garnered the lion's share of
notice.
It's not everyday you see Snidely Whiplash on the runway.
"When he walked into casting, I said 'I have to have this guy in my
show,' " said Mr. Curtis who showed his collection for the first time in New York.
"In his mustache, in his sideburns, and in his eyes, he had such a strong
attitude," the designer said from his London home.
Mr. Hutz's mustache, he said, was so fresh and unexpected that it captured everyone's
attention. That it did. No one else on any runway was sporting anything close to the
underbrush beneath the model's nose.
Sure there was little chin scruff here and there, but no mustaches. Mr.
Hutz's handlebar managed to be what tattoos and body piercings no longer can be, shocking.
Of course, this state of affairs exists purely on and around the runway.
Policeman, fireman, cowboys and the occasional macho newspaperman have never stopped
wearing mustaches. But in fashion circles the look hasn't been popular for 20 years.
Even Mark Spitz, who wore his mustache as proudly as his gold medals in the
70s, was clean-shaven in a recent TV advertisement. Although goatees and vandykes have
have come and gone in the last 5 years (and in many cases, come and stayed) the mustache
has shown little sign of revival, despite the enduring upper lips of Tom Selleck, and John
Waters. In fact, it is one of the few vestiges of the 70s that has not yet made a
comeback, although some have tried.
Mr. Hutz could speed things up a bit. "I felt Eugene would be a bit of a
trendsetter," said Karen Long, director of the men's division of DNA Models in NY who
signed Mr. Hutz. "He had a face that I thought would be appealing to men because he's
not your typical pretty-boy."
Because of the mustache, Mr. Hutz is not boyish looking, which is one
reason some observers say mustaches haven't made a comeback.
"Everyone wants youth and young and baby-faced and a clean-shaven face
with a big buffed body, but a mustache says maturity."
A column in the current issue of Time Out NY magazine
suggests that because pop culture has clearly turned against subnasal carpeting, mustaches
have become an act of revolution and should be embraced by the truly alternative among us.
As Mr. Curtis said "It's a completely new look again". And unlike a
tattoo, when you get tired of it a few months later, you can remove it.
But Mr. Hutz has the best reason for growing a mustache, "A goatee makes
my face look like a skateboard," he said. "It's too long, this evens it
out"
Three Mustache Cheers to Scott for
bringing this article to my attention. This is definitely a positive blow for
mustaches everywhere. You can read the Time Out New York article here.
More Mustache Mail
Here's a quick note from
Goatee872. He's taken a short trip to the Dark Side, but knows how
to get back home, and why:
Cool site! Although I've had a mustache for all of my adult life, the goat
is kinda new...so will keep it for a while. But one of these days it'll go however the
mustache will definitely stay. Can't imagine sex with my girlfriend without it. Keep up
the good work and let it grow!
Thanks, Goatee872! Everyone goes
through their experimentation phase, so don't feel too guilty. Once you get tired of
looking like everybody else, let us know what kind of mustache you come back to!
Facial Hair Prediction
I'm going to wind up this
week's column with a glimpse into the future of Facial Hair. Right now the
most popular configuration is, of course, the goat. You can see everyone in the
entire world sporting a goat. Watch Entertainment Tonight and see the proof.
As I said once before, when you see upper management coming into work with it, it's way
mainstream. This was the case with the male earring, and is the same for the
goat. What's next, you ask? Well I'll tell you.
The world is moving towards the Mustache. It won't happen all at
once, but it will happen. Before true Mustachity arrives, we will see the advent of
the Doc Holliday, which can also be called the George Custer.
 
notice that Doc's jib (left) is much
smaller that Custer's (right)
This configuration can be seen as the "melting of the goat,"
just as the goat is the melting of the beard. The Doc I had was closer to a
mustache, as the little jib below the mouth was quite small and triangular. One of
my coworkers has one that is rather closer to a beard, as the jib is a wide rectangular
strip the runs from the lower lip all the way down to the bottom of the chin. I
think we'll see some Doc Hollidays with wide jibs for a while as the world gets used to
the water.
'Nuff Ced
As this
column slowly comes to a complete stop, let me say that next week you'll see a young pic
of the Author that will astound. Also, a State of the Mustache Address.
Thanks again to Scott and Goatee872 - Now you are stars.
Drop me a line with your questions, comments, or 'stache reports - XianRex@mustachesummer.com - and I'll make you
a star. I'm a-headin' out to the plains to check my dogies, so until next
week, Make Mine Mustache!
- Christian
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