Mustache Summer '99 - Ask Dr. Likket

by Dr. Phar Likket, C.M.T.

Wax on, wax off.

Dear Dr. Likket,
I have been considering re-growing my mustache for some time now. Previous mustache attempts have been short-lived. My problem: unruly mustache hair. I once tried using a small dab of bar soap to keep my lip in shape, but after an unfortunate experience while river rafting (the nickname "Sudsy" has clung to me to this day) I gave up. Should I wax? Any tips on taming the beast?

Wild Hair, Salt Lake City, UT

Dear Sudsy:
I urge patience. Facial hair tends to be curly when short. Not knowing what style of mustache you are growing makes specific advice a little difficult to dispense. A "William Powell" (or "Thin Man"), for example, will tend to be trimmed so short as to preclude curling, while other, more hirsute styles will naturally curl as they grow in. Once the hairs are long enough, they are more easily manipulated. The artist Salvador Dali was known to use the ends of his mustache as a paintbrush when a fine touch was needed, so real control is possible. "Growing In" is a difficult time for many of my clients. If you are hardy enough to take a new stache river rafting, I don't think you need to worry too much about a few wayward hairs. As for what to use to keep your mustache in shape, I'd recommend you use something a little more easy on the lip than bar soap. I've heard some fellows swear by beeswax, others use chapstick, others commercially available waxes and pommades (check your barber -- I said "barber," not "salon"). Dr. Likket uses the love of a good woman to keep his mustache curled, plus whatever he had for dinner the night before.

My husband, the nibbler.

Dear Dr. Likket,
My husband is the proud owner of a mighty stache. I just love it. My problem? He chews on it. We'll be playing a game of tile rummy after dinner, I'll look up, and half his stache will be inside his mouth. Is chewing on a mustache harmful? How can I get him to stop? It starts to look really ratty after a while.

Not Getting All the Stache I Need, Corvalis, OR

Dear NGATSIN:
Despite that horking sound Fluffy the cat makes whenever she eats too much hair, a little nibble of mustache here or there won't hurt your husband. Getting him to stop is another issue. Tell him how much you love him and his mustache, and how it pains you to see him fritter his talent away. A gentle reminder when you catch him in the act would also be helpful. It is possible that his nibbling is unconscious. No man willingly wastes a "mighty stache" that his wife appreciates. Sometimes we need physical reminders to help us correct unconscious habits. A friend of mine used to dose his dog with a little extra flea dip whenever the dog had a chewing problem. I'd start your husband out with something a little sweeter, like vanilla extract. Just have him dip the ends of his mustache in a half-teaspoon of extract each morning. Should he find himself nibbling, it will serve as a gentle (and sweet) reminder of how a man should treat a mustache.

Dr. Phar Likket, C.M.T. is a certified mustache therapist. He has a private practice in Lutz, Fla.

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